


Madness and Profits

by Jupiterra



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Comedy, Complete, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Mad Scientists, Penises, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 07:48:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13142223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jupiterra/pseuds/Jupiterra
Summary: A comedic story of a mad scientist and a Russian businessman, all told in free form poetry. Merry Christmas to everyone!





	Madness and Profits

There was once a man,  
so tall and fair,  
his skin was like porcelain,  
and he was built like a bear.

He was Ivan Braginsky,  
distant and cold  
his smile unconvincing  
as if heartless rumours told.

Tired of business and money,  
stress and mental pains,  
he planned a vacation,  
and hopped on a plane.

Over the ocean,  
endless and blue,  
Ivan spotted an island,  
saying “Does that look suspicious to you?”

His seat mates frown,  
shaking their head,  
they resume looking down,  
or speaking to others instead.

Suddenly the cabin shook,  
and the light flickered,  
As others panicked,  
Ivan thought quicker.

Strapping himself in,  
the Russian man prayed,  
“Please dear god,”  
“I don't want to die today.”

Ivan blacked out,  
from the force of the crash,  
when he woke next,  
he had to avoid acting rash.

He was strapped to a table,  
in a lab of metal and glass,  
coloured tubes without labels,  
buttons that blinked fast.

Amidst the machines,  
there was horrible things,  
men part grizzly bear,  
and some part cat.

The beings floated in tubes,  
staring with blank eyes,  
the Russian businessman imagined,  
their former begging and cries.

“Oh you're awake!”  
a young man greeted,  
his long lab coat stained red,  
as he let himself be seated.

“Where am I?” Ivan demanded,  
looking all around,  
he regretted his tone,  
perhaps too heavy handed.

“You are my experiment,”  
“and this is my lab,”  
“we're going to have fun together,”  
replied the handsome blond lad.

“I'm going to cut you open,”  
“and change you completely,”  
“until your cock is so huge,”  
“It totally fills me.”

As the crazy man talked,  
Ivan glanced at the others,  
they all were all quite hung,  
but too dead to be suitors.

“Why go through the effort,”  
Ivan thoroughly objected,  
the scientist paused,  
considering the offer projected.

“I'm alive and well,”  
“and rich to boot,”  
“that sounds much more fun,”  
“than being dead in a tube.”

As the Russian spoke,  
Alfred pulled down his pants,  
and grabbed his cock,  
making Ivan choke.

“Yes, this is true,”  
“you are quite impressive,”  
the insane blond agreed,  
blue eyes expressive.

In no time at all,  
Ivan found himself enslaved,  
sorting lab samples,  
chained the floor every day.

He tried to escape,  
always to no avail,  
and in the process,  
discovered something as well.

There was an accounting office,  
heaping with papers,  
very ambitious but lawless,  
that dwarfed Ivan's financial capers.

“You could have profits,”  
“double their current rate,”  
Ivan said clutching files,  
on the floor sitting straight.

“I don't see how,”  
the other refused,  
Ivan smiled wide,  
because it was true.

“I'm a CEO and accountant,”  
the Russian supplied,  
“I'll make you filthy rich,”  
he promised with stars in his eyes.

The scientist squealed,  
sounds of glee and joy,  
“yes, and call me Alfred,”  
“you big handsome boy.”

So it was that Ivan and Alfred,  
married six months later,  
one was inhumanly depraved,  
the other a financial dictator.

The wedding was glorious,  
yet completely wrong,  
fearful relative chained,  
to church pews long.

The priest was part snake,  
obviously in great pain,  
spitting out words,  
choking with each take.

With exchange of “I do's”  
from the inhuman processions,  
they slipped on gold rings,  
of mutual love and protection.

They were both horrible people,  
the world shook in trepidation,  
from the power couple,  
as they planned world domination.

~ The End ~


End file.
